Guides
Written for the person holding the phone at the other end — not for a search engine, and not for a sales funnel. No sign-up required to read any of it.
Nobody prepares for this. One day someone you love is at the table and the next they are a number, a visiting schedule and a phone call that costs more than it should. There is no handbook, the rules differ from one facility to the next, and the people who could explain them are the ones you are trying to reach.
These guides are what we would tell a friend. How to write the first letter when you have started it four times. What to say when nothing you can think of sounds right. What a call from a jail or prison actually costs and where the money goes. What is recorded, what is not, and what a facility can see about you. They are free, they need no account, and none of them end with a sales pitch you have to read past to get the answer.
Most of what is in here applies whether or not you ever use NearestKin. Staying in touch with someone inside is hard for reasons that have nothing to do with which service you pick, and the practical parts — mail rules, approved numbers, what lands well in a letter — are the same either way.
Start here
If one of these is closer to where you are than a category heading, start with it.
“Someone I love was just arrested and I do not know what happens next.”
What the first weeks look like, and what you can and cannot do yet.
“I want to write but I have no idea what to say.”
Where to start, what lands, and what is heavier to receive than it feels to write.
“This is my first letter and I keep starting it over.”
A first letter that does not have to carry everything at once.
“I need to get a message to them and I do not know how.”
The routes that exist — mail, phone, messaging — and what each one is good for.
“The calls are costing more than I can keep paying.”
What phone calls from a facility actually cost, and why.
“I am already paying Securus or JPay and it is not working for us.”
Who the providers are, why the facility picks them, and what you can actually change.
“I want to stay in touch without the whole world knowing.”
What is recorded, what is public, and what stays yours.
Writing and staying in touch
What to say to someone in prison
Where to start, what to avoid, and how to keep talking when replies are slow.
ReadWriting your first letter
What to include, how long it should be, and what happens to it on the way.
ReadHow to support a loved one in prison
What actually helps over months, and how to keep it sustainable for you.
ReadCosts and how it works
How to send a message to someone in jail or prison
Every route in, what each costs, and how long each one takes.
ReadWhat calls actually cost
How the pricing works, and how to work out a 15-minute call before you commit.
ReadAlternatives to Securus, JPay and GettingOut
Who the providers are, why the facility picks them, and what you can actually change.
ReadSafety and privacy
What the other person can and cannot see
Whether your address is exposed, what the facility sees, and how to stay in control.
ReadHow these are written
A few of these guides use the word “inmate” in the title, and we want to say why rather than let it sit there. We use the word “inmate” here because that is what people search for. Inside NearestKin, they are an Inside Community Member. Inside the guides themselves it is your sister, your son, your friend — a person, named the way you would name them.
There are also things we will not write, however well they would do in search. We do not publish mugshots or link to sites that do. We do not run pen-pal listings that put people who cannot freely decline in front of strangers looking for romance. And we do not explain how to get around a facility’s phone or billing rules — those rules are often unfair, and the person who pays for breaking them is the one inside, not you.
Everything here is checked against what facilities and providers actually publish. Where something varies by state or by facility — and a lot of it does — we say so instead of guessing on your behalf.
7 guides so far. If something you needed to know is missing, tell us and we will write it.
Ready to send your first message?
An account is free, and messages cost nothing to send or receive.